life is not only disappointing but unpredictable
some quick-fill consumer-focused clickbait content to make up for the fact that i didn't see any movies this week
My goal with this newsletter is to write about new films as they reach general release and to feature seasonally appropriate commentary on other cinematic events and interests. But a disaster befell us this week, so what I’ve got to share is the worst edition of *life is disappointing* to date. This newsletter comes out every Friday and is usually better than this.
I was planning to write about The Naked Gun week - and then, on the way to see The Naked Gun, I made a two-minute pit stop and got my bike stolen, along with my pannier and pretty much all the things I use on a daily basis.
The great news is I got my pannier back - emptied of its contents (bummer) but with the addition of some really cool customized branding (radical). The bad news is that I’ve spent the past few days running around town replacing the essential components of my life while preparing for aeroplane travel tomorrow - so I haven’t seen any movies, written any words, or developed thoughts about anything other than consumer goods and the general stupidity of a surveillance state that sells facial scans to advertising companies but can’t prevent basic theft in broad daylight.
The principles of posting declare that it’s better to post and lose than to never post at all, so to honor my content quotas I’m going to give you the only thing I have to offer: a consumer guide to upgrading your everyday carry1 if you are me. If you want to send this straight to your delete folder, more power to you. And if you became a paid subscriber on the promise that you were going to receive quality posts weekly, you can go right ahead and mash that unsubscribe button, because I’m also loathe to announce that we are taking a summer vacation next week. That means no new newsletter on Friday 15 August. Don’t worry - we’ll be back bigger and better than ever on 22 August. In the meantime, here’s some filler about stuff I paid money for this week.
THE OFFICIAL *lid* CONSUMER REPLACEMENT GUIDE, LATE SUMMER 2025
R.I.P.: Fyxation Pixel Fixed Gear Bike.
UPGRADE: Surly Steamroller. I guess fixies are out, because every bike shop in South Minneapolis looked at me like I was a loser when I asked if they sold single speeds. This goes against everything millennials were taught to expect from douchey bike shops, so I don’t know what’s happening other than that I am probably aging. Whatever - I found Surly’s classic fixie on the resale market and I love it. I’ve always wanted a Surly, and it’s incredible how much better they ride than the junker single speeds that everyone used to sell when Premium Rush was cool. The Steamroller is simple, palpably sturdy, and surprisingly light. Zoomers and millenials are both wrong: fixies are fun, and nice people ride them.
R.I.P.: iPhone 6.
UPGRADE: Mudita Kompakt. I've been fantasizing about switching to an e-ink dumbphone for years, especially since my phone company forced me to give up on my beautiful iPhone 4, and especially especially since I got a concussion last year that’s made it hard to look at screens. Light Phone has been having production issues, so I went with Mudita, their Polish competitor, instead. I think it’s going to be fun? My main hope is that the e-ink will make texting so annoying that I will never respond to a group text again.
R.I.P.: Koss Porta Pro On-Ear Headphones.
UPGRADE: Koss Porta Pro On-Ear Headphones. There is simply no replacement for this product, Koss Porta Pros are the only headphones that ever should have been made. They are $50, look cool, sound amazing, and come with a lifetime free-replacement warrantee (unfortunately that doesn’t cover theft). I don’t know why anyone buys anything else. If I headed a one-party state I would give Koss exclusive control of headphone production and make everything else illegal. All competitors are a scam - the only headphones that non-professionals need are Porta Pros.
R.I.P.: Topo Designs Utility Bag.
UPGRADE: North St. Bags Large Pouch Add-On. The Topo Utility Bag was my favorite product of all time, the perfect sized bag that served as an interior pocket to a backpack/pannier or as a completely straight, no-questions-about-my-heterosexual-masculinity clutch. It held everything I’d ever want to carry around, including 8.5”x11” papers and magazines. I was devastated to lose it because Topo is a shadow of what they used to be (I’m pretty certain I bought the last of that model that they ever sold). Thankfully, North St. Bags, an alive and ethically healthy company from Portland, makes an almost identical product for only $25. Bless them.
R.I.P.: St. Paul Saints cap.
UPGRADE: Toronto Blue Jays cap. Just kidding, that’s disgusting. But I wish my Twins hat had been stolen instead because the Saints are the only baseball in the Twin Cities left to watch. People say last week’s midnight massacre was smart business and a harbinger of good things to come, but holy smokes, it feels like this is the end. Is Eephus the film of the year? It might be worth a rewatch to help process.
R.I.P.: my hypothetical viability as a high-value assset on the dating market.
UPGRADE: Bedrock Mountain Clogs.
I didn’t have any shoes in my bag, but it seems wrong to celebrate my purchases this week without mentioning my new Bedrock Mountain Clogs, the first shoe I’ve been excited about since I paid way too much money for Oak Street Chromexcel loafers in 2012 and broke them immediately. People say Bedrocks are ugly, and when I first tried them on I had to agree - but in certain contexts I think they’re kind of cool. My mother said as much when I wore them to dinner on Sunday. They combine the leather upper of a classic Birkenstock clog with a Vibram sole and an adjustable back strap, a more technical and hiking-ready version of a Croc. I am excited to take them backpacking in the Goat Rocks wilderness next week, and to wear them in the normal/cool social situations in which I regularly participate for years to come.
Do you like this chatty/self-indulgent/parasocial vibe? Like, comment, or subscribe if you think it’s so fun. Ignore it if you don’t and check out the archive to read/like a review you missed instead. Eephus is on Mubi. Black Bag is on Peacock. Sinners and Guinea Fowl are on HBOGo. 28 Years Later is at the Minneapolis Riverview. I promise I won’t make this a habit. See you in two weeks.
UPDATE: Stop the presses! I saw The Naked Gun!
It’s OK? I would say on a scale of Rush Hour 3 to Rush Hour 2 it’s a bit less funny than the original Rush Hour? I have no big thoughts about the “rebirth of the studio comedy” angle that’s accompanying this release. I sort of suspect it’s a canned narrative from the press packet.2 Wherever it’s coming from, it offers up a pretty restrictive idea of a studio comedy in a year that also brought us Friendship (very funny), One of Them Days (didn’t see it, heard it’s funny), and A Minecraft Movie (didn’t see it, the kids tell me it’s REALLY FUNNY). There are certainly fewer comedies in 2025 than there were in 2008, but I don’t understand why we’re latching onto this one as the great return to form.
A relevant factor must be that The Naked Gun is a lega-sequel of a franchise that the people who write the internet thought was hilarious when they were in middle school. People with a haze of the ‘80s who remember the ‘90s and were capable of thinking in the early 2000s are clearly the target audience. Note a.) Akiva Schaffer & co.’s laser-focus on cultural references from 1999 - 2009, and b.) the extreme lack of anyone under the age of 30 in my screening. If there are no children in a PG-13 comedy on a Thursday night in August, something isn’t working. I wonder if the “there needs to more movies like this” adulation that The Naked Gun has been getting feels to young people a bit like how it felt when all my friend’s parents told me It’s Complicated was the funniest movie of 2009. Why is there an extended joke about the relationship between TiVo and ethernet cords in this movie? Why are there multiple bits about the Black Eyed Peas? The previous Naked Gun movie came out in 1994, but the only reference to that year is a fairly obvious joke about OJ Simpson.
I’m not particularly excited about the wave of nostalgia bait that is already overwhelming elder millennials and will pretty soon consume my mid-millennial cohort (Freakier Friday - another 2025 studio comedy, for the record - is already upon us). When it gets to whatever makes Gen Z weepy, then I know I’m cooked. I already have the clogs and the outdated bicycle, so I guess I’m ready.
Whatever. It’s pretty funny. If you like the original Naked Gun, then you’ll probably like it. Comedies are for laughing at, not for writing about. It’s good that people are happy.
Thanks for reading *life is disappointing.* If you found this newsletter slightly less disappointing than the rest of your life, consider liking, commenting, sending me money (thanks!) or subscribing. Subscribing will get you exactly what you get here but sent to your email inbox. I won’t be back next week due to summer vacation, but I will be back the following week with thoughts on all sorts of stuff I missed in August - new Spike Lee, new Ethan Coen, maybe Weapons? I really don’t want to see Weapons. We’ll see.
I had a conversation with a more-successful friend last weekend about incorporating more SEO into my writing, so here are some buzzwords for you: digital minimalist edc DIGITAL MINIMALIST EDC buy-it-for-life buy it for life bify edc EVERYDAY CARRY everyday carry BIFY EDC made-in-usa made in usa MADE IN USA made in u.s.a. MADE IN U.S.A list best of 2025 BEST OF 2025
This “save the comedies” PSA is kind of funny - but also reveals Paramount’s hand a bit more overtly than I’d like to see.